Girl's (and Boys') Club Blues

Molly Lambert of This Recording wrote a really great piece: In Which We Teach You How To Be a Woman In Any Boys' Club. A lot of it really resonated with me, but I was left with a lot of questions, too. I've been in environments where I was the only woman, and it was fantastic and I really felt supported -- like I was truly part of something; and I've been in woman-only (or woman-mostly) spaces where I've felt marginalized, silenced, and betrayed. And then I think, "Wait. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Surely, I must be doing feminism wrong, because sisterhood sure doesn't feel so powerful right now."

Sady Doyle hit the nail on the head. On her Tumblr (which I won't link to hear because I know she's taken quite a bit of grief in the past couple months and I'm pretty sure likes to keep her Tumblr blog as private as possible) said: "The hardest part, though, is getting over your ideas that a Girls’ Club will be any fairer or less emotionally trying than being a girl trying to compete with the boys. The majority of women who have power in my field — and I don’t have a ton of it, but I have enough — don’t just look like me because they’re female. They look like me because they’re white, and cis, and often straight, and often college-educated as well."

I think this can't be said enough because it belies the idea that women should get along with each other simply because we are women. There's a lot more than sharing a gender identity, and it's a little reductive to suggest that women should bond because it's an "us against the guys" kind of world. Or that a "girls' club" atmosphere is better because women share in the same institutionalized sexism. What it doesn't do is take in consideration that while all women experience sexism, some women are privileged in other ways, be it race, sexual orientation, or class.

I saved this quote from Mary Childers for another reason, but I think it's applicable here:

Many white women who are middle-class and struggle against gender oppression think they are free of class bias because they always compare themselves to women and men who have more privilege instead of comparing themselves to those who have less. [...] When they experience gender as clearly the dominant source of their own suffering, it is hard for them to realize that for other women the acquisition of gender may be inseparable from the discovery of themselves as economically and physically vulnerable people by virtue of povery and/or race.

Back to the original article: yes women need to support one another. Women need mentors. Hugely. And when you're one of few women in your field (or even in your social group -- I speak from experience here), having someone else to validate the sexism and misogyny that comes with being in an environment dominated by men can be an enormous help infighting it. But reading though the article left me doubting my own history, and feeling the need to re-write it. I've been a "guy's girl," or a "cool chick," and it wasn't the worst experience of my life. But I know that deep down, it still means your looking for a men's approval. Also, I've been a "guy's girl" among men who are socially, economically, and culturally similar to me. Obviously, it doesn't eliminate sexism, or even level the playing field slightly, but I am able to find some commonality with those men.

I probably should say that most of my interactions with me are in fandom or social situations -- which has its own set of problems. Most of my experiences working under or with women have been positive, but that doesn't mean that a "girls' club" atmosphere is inherently better. It's just different.