Jealousy, Aggression and the Mean Girls Trope

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I think in large part it's the title "It's Not Your Fault Your a Mean Girl" that gives me pause, but it's still a little -- nay, a lot -- unsettling that so many commenters embrace the stereotype that women's aggression is so much more sinister than men's and that men can "duke it out," and then go out for beers later. What's really going on here is that women's aggression and hostility are often seen as moral failures, where men's is, well, just part of being male. Perception is key.

I think jealousy gets a bum rap. I had this argument years ago on another site I was writing for at the time: jealousy itself isn't inherently bad; it's what you do with that jealousy. The article I linked talks about the paucity of "good" men, jobs, or college admissions that lead to women's competition with each other and the inevitable jealousy follows. (Provided you're a straight, upwardly mobile woman -- there's some unaddressed classism and straight-privilege going on here.) I don't have many feminist "click" moments, but one of my most salient was realizing I'm not being a traitor to "the sisterhood" if I'm not always happy for other women's successes, and -- gasp -- even a little jealous of them.

And the "mean girls" trope? I wish it would go away. It plays into the stereotype that women are supposed to be the world's moral centerboard. I don't want to be part of a feminism that tells me I have love and embrace every other woman simply because we're both part of the same system that privileges male over female.