Are all internet communities awful?

Maybe I'm just a grizzled old-timer, but my experience with online forums has been vastly different than Kortney's. But to be honest, I've been very, very choosy about which communities I join. I think overall it's about a balance of making people feel comfortable about expressing their opinions, even when they don't jibe with their neighbors, and apply a heavy-handed approach to moderating when necessary. I think the latter often gets overlooked.

I got my toes wet on a great forum which was the online hub of a now-defunct magazine. It was largely self-moderated, bordering on anarchic, but the group was small and like-minded and drama was kept to a near minimum. In retrospect, it probably wasn't as sunshine and lollipops as I'd like to pretend, but it did, in my inchoate, interactive mind, feel like family. A dysfunctional one at times -- drunk uncle throwing up at the holiday table, et al. -- but a family. Growing up in a relatively conservative Midwest city, I was more than happy to spend time with some dysfunctional weirdos like myself.

I spent an even longer time at another fan forum. I don't dole out my fandom willy-nilly, so being among the kind of music fans who eat, sleep, and breathe their idols made me feel like quite the lightweight. Being one of a handful of women wasn't always a joy either, but the woman who ran the board took a somewhat draconian approach to comment moderation, and flame wars were squelched pretty quickly. I left for no other reason than growing weary with the whole fan mindset.

Granted, everyone's experience is different. I stay away from places like reddit or Salon where trolling nonsense isn't always taken care of right away (or at all), but painting all blogs and forums with big, broad brush strokes isn't accurate either. However, I do think it's completely within expectations to talk about being a woman who dares to express an opinion online, particularly within communities that are largely the domain of men. I've written about this before, but I'm not entirely sold on being 100% transparent online: I never underestimate the power of a pseudonym. I realize not everyone is cool with this -- and it usually only depends on how active I plan on being in any forum -- I usually pick names that are non-gender specific. Oh and that gender-neutral handle? Usually assumed to be male. Does it suck that there are times I have to remove all evidence of female-ness just to talk about nonsense online? Royally.

I think it needs to be stressed, too, that gender isn't the only form of marginalization, even online where, you, everyone is a dog. I've had a few shitty experiences at some women-only (or rather, women-mostly) spaces where classism and ageism was the rule rather than the exception.

So I have sort of personal game plan for interacting online. Do I make concessions that I don't always feel great about? Yeah, I do, but I think my online safety -- and peace of mind -- comes before my feminist cred.