You don't get to define someone's sexuality for them

This is going to be incredibly short. In fact, the title could be the entire post, but reading through, and seeing discussion pop up, particularly on Tumblr about the validity of asexual and demisexuality, I have only one thing to say:

You don't get to define someone's sexual identity for them.

Much like Cynthia Nixon's statement that being gay is "her choice ," how someone labels their own sexuality shouldn't be up for debate. And it's pretty problematic that enough people think it's okay to deconstruct someone else's lived experience.

A lot of this is borne out of ignorance, but it should be a given that just because you have an opinion on something, it doesn't that it's not hurtful. s.e. smith has written several great posts about asexuality, one for xojane, and another for Tiger Beatdown last year, which is a pretty good starting point:

"Some asexuals are fond of saying that people should use the identity as long as they find it useful, and abandon it when it is not. This fluidity and relaxation around asexual identities is one many sexual people find confusing, especially in environments where identities are thought of as fixed and set. The idea that asexuals can label themselves on the basis of a personal definition of the label, rather than one imposed by society, is also alien to some people. We, ourselves, debate the nature of asexual identities and what fits under this umbrella, while taking care to avoid the creation of exclusionary litmus tests."

The blog Confessions of an Ist is a good resource also. This post i s a great place to start.

Hoydon About Town wrote about being an asexual ally.

And here's another personal account courtesy of Persephone Magazine.