Sunday, June 2, 2013

Why I gave up on fan sites

You could make the case that traditional fan forums don't exist anymore, that they've been taken over by Tumblr or Facebook communities (which is a can of worms I'd rather not open), but nonetheless, I've given up on them. I almost wish I could say that there's a lot of overt sexism and misogyny among music fans (and for this post I'm sticking to music, but this could easily apply to other types of fandom), but in my experience, the sexism has been the harder-to-prove covert kind, the kind whose presence you only start to notice once you've really begun to think how sexism and misogyny are deeply woven into even the silly, superfluous parts of society.

I've never been called names. I've been told to go "make me a sandwich." I don't want to rewrite my own history to include examples of overt sexist bullshit, even while I'd never deny that it does happen. I've never been made to feel as though I don't belong, but I've only been a member of forums where the commenting policy had pretty strict rules about name-calling. Like, don't do it. Ever. Inevitably, what happens is a lot of under the radar nastiness. (Note: There really is no such thing as a private message.)

And a lot of the same old bullshit about women's music not measuring up.

Of course, no one will readily admit to this. Most of the time, it's something innocuous like "list your favorite singers, guitarists, drummers, etc." here, and what do you know? It's a bunch of white guys. The times when I've mentioned this, that it's blatantly obvious whose music is considered art, and whose is commerce, they become defensive: "Of course I listen to women. Look at all the women I respect." But without prompting, those lists will always be white guys with guitars.

A few years ago, I left a place whose community I enjoyed for half a decade because of this. After one too many comments from a certain person on how "rap and pop" are "taking over" I asked him to examine what he was saying: that it's fine to disparage music made by women and people of color as disposable junk.

"Are you calling me a racist?" He asked. I'm not the best at reading online cues, but there was something definitely threatening in his tone. ('Cause, you know, it's worse to be called a racist than to do something actually racist -- that I was also calling his sexist didn't seem to register.) I wasn't, but it's participating in a system that rewards some people but not others, and I think he needed to step back and examine that. It's something that's sorely missing in fan circles.

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