If you spend any time in feminist or social justice circles, you're probably familiar with "tone policing." If you're a regular participant, you've probably even been accused of it once or twice yourself. What it's not is bullying. And what bullying is not is tone policing.
Most people agree that name-calling is inexcusable under any circumstances. One place I use to comment that I've all but extricated myself from allows it more than most. I'm talking "shut up," "go die," and "fuck you" as acceptable retorts. I grew up with people whose only tool in their arsenal was a solid "fuck you" and I still don't like it. If you tell me to "fuck off on die," my cards are on the table and I'm out the door. This is not tone-policing.
What I see happening -- and this isn't just confined to one place but the SJ world as a whole -- is the fear of being accused of policing someone's anger is so great that a lot of truly abusive behavior goes unchecked.
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