Where does gender role stop and gender idenity begin?

I'm seriously asking this, because my view of gender has always been a conscious mix of internal and external. Society sees me as a woman, whether I "feel" it or not, treats me as such, therefore I "react" as one, meaning, my reactions are viewed through a lens of femaleness. It's become unfashionable, nay, downright problematic, to question gender as a social construct, but I'm finding myself more and more wanting to question it, as the current ideology says gender is all "feels." That's a dangerously simplistic way to view gender. The way I understand it trans people feel gender because they feel sense of wrongness -- the dysphoria. Most non-trans people don't feel an internal sense of gender, not because they agree with with their assigned gender role, but because they don't feel dysphoria. It's important to make this distinction. This doesn't mean you are agender or non-binary, though it's trending toward that. It's become common, the Tumblr-parts of the universe especially, for young AFAB people to identify out of femaleness. I'm not here to tell anyone how they should or shouldn't label themselves, but by creating more boxes, the category of "woman" gets narrower and narrower. Plus it's a pretty big privilege to be able to opt-out in the first place.

Helen Saxby asks whether identity matters so much when it comes to sexism and violence, a question I've been wrestling with for a while:

When I was a student, the men who tried to rape me when I was hitch-hiking did not respect the rather masculine gender identity that I felt inside. They didn’t care that I had grown up preferring football and racing cars to dolls and make-up. They didn’t even care that I was wearing combat trousers and a donkey jacket! They just cared that I was female. Calling yourself ‘non-binary’ will not identify you out of that threat if you are a woman, and that is why we have sex-based rights for women: biological sex matters. When it comes to safety for women the way you ‘identify’ is a mere indulgence: it’s about as important as whether you consider yourself to be a Goth or a Punk for example, no more and no less. And, to be clear, people are not oppressed for being ‘non-binary’: they are oppressed by virtue of their female biology.

So what do AFAB people feel in response to sexism? As long as society reads them as female, they're going to experience sexism. Unless your identity begins and ends with your online profile or you're ensconced in an environment that recognizes a rainbow of genders. Not a reality for most people.

These are valid questions to be asking, but increasingly taboo. And that's disappointing because the discussion about gender and gender oppression should be an intellectually sound one.