In Case of a Shitstorm, Grab an Umbrella

Every time there's some sort of blow-up at any of the blogs I regularly read, I'm there. Not as a participant, but as a rapt audience member. I vacillate between thinking this is somehow disingenuous of me, and I should participate, and silently standing by with a mixture of awe and revulsion. Mostly, though, I try to learn.

I'm not a big fan of call-out culture, not because I think it's unnecessarily "mean," or unwarranted. On the contrary, I think it's very necessary, but when calling out becomes piling up, as so often happens in the social justice blogosphere, it rarely leads to a change in behavior. Also, I think a little bit of self-protection is okay. I think it's easy to forget that while a lot of us have carved out our little niches online, but most of us don't have the backup provided by a large audience. I'm less likely to call out someone who for the most part is really trying, and does understand that her place in the world is, to a large degree, predetermined by race, class, sexual orientation or other circumstances out of her control, than I am the more overt forms of bigotry perpetrated by mainstream bloggers whose influence is wide-reaching.

I've thought about this a lot lately, especially now as I've made the feminist blogosphere kind of a "read-only" zone for now. I don't really feel empowered by it anymore, and frankly, one shitstorm after another is just exhausting. I have my own ground rules for staying rational when things online get heated. Granted, a lot of bloggers have made lists like these, and by no means do I consider my rules "universal," but this is what keeps my head on straight:

1. Know you'll make mistakes. No one is without privilege somewhere. Challenging various privileges isn't easy work, it's not fun, and you will fuck up.

2. That being said, apologize when you do fuck up. Don't fight it. The thing about privilege is it's invisible. If someone calls you on yours, apologize and learn from it. Also, apologizing doesn't guarantee that all will be right with the world.

3.  Sometimes the best thing -- nay, the only thing -- to do is walk away from the computer for a while.

4. Remember that everyone comes with their own, individual set of experiences. They may be vastly different from yours. Know that not everyone in your community isn't "you."