Shelving: Why Have Kids? by Jessica Valenti

If you've even spent a modicum of your online life in the feminist blogosphere, "mommy wars" and the ongoing rift between women with children and those without are old hat. If you want to start a fame war, pit parents against childfree people.

(And for the record, I'm okay with the term "childless," though I know many prefer childfree, which isn't exactly without problems itself. I may not have kids, but my life is far from carefree.)

As a non-mom, I'm glad to see the myth of sanctity of motherhood being deconstructed. Jessica's book  is probably one of the more honest looks at parenthood -- from a personal viewpoint as well as examining the institution of parenthood. And by parenthood, I mean motherhood. Men are still largely left out of the discussion with childless women being the ones fielding the question "don't you want kids?" And she does a good job of flipping the question to one of "why do you want kids?"

From the litany of things people (woman, largely, but men also) have actually said to me about my decision not to have children, the "you must be selfish" trope is the one that I can always count on. Tell me, what's more selfish that having kids because you want kids? Although only one chapter deals with childfree women, the attention the book is getting predictably fousces on those women. Amanda Marcotte said in a somewhat personal review for Slate :

If we started asking "why have kids?" instead of "why not have kids?" it would at least demonstrate why the pressure to have kids makes no sense at all. Childless women are accused of being self-centered, afraid of commitment, and more interested in pursuing a career and having fun than the responsibilities of child-rearing. To which, I have to say: Ok, so what? Women who have no desire to make the sacrifices required of parents should be congratulated for their self-awareness, instead of bullied into having kids they don't want. 

Instead of bothering childless folks, I say it's time to start thanking us. Our free time and disposable income supports entire industries that parents get to benefit from. We're the ones going to shows and sorting through new releases so that you know what new record to download off iTunes this year. We're the ones who actually go to the movies on a regular basis, keeping your Netflix queue well-stocked. We're the reason that there's that new nice restaurant open for your date night. We may roll our eyes and put on a brave smile you can see right through when you send us a baby shower invitation, but you need us.

Sigh. I was with her until she asked for a cookie for choosing not to breed. Unfortunately, I think this is a part of the problem, too. There's nothing wrong with having ample free time and disposable income, but it's something most people, yes, even childfree ones, can only dream of. It still plays into the myth that being "free of children" means being free of responsibility.